The Army of Street Meat
Name: Churro
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Race: Human
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Gender: Male
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Height: 5’ 9"
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Weight: 264 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Black
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 1
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Intelligence gathering.
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Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
The Army of Street Meat is one of three secretive Heathen teams that work for Kismet. Only those who have ever dwelled in the farmhouse know of their existence.
After the Heathens graduated from Bubblegum's boot camp, they were split into four different groups. While Kismet kept a main combative force at the farmhouse that would accompany him during the civil war amongst the fallen angels, both Grannie Confection and Gumdrop were given their own specialized crews to lead. These units would operate in secrecy, and furthermore, they would have completely different goals and objectives than the main Heathens force. Unlike the other teams and due to the business aspect they would have to undertake in their daily operations, those involved with the Army of Street Meat had to attend one of the four-year universities that churned out the satanic executives at Sheeplam & Son. While the war amongst the fallen angels raged across the globe, the only job these individuals had to accomplish was to graduate on time.
Prior to their arrival in New York City, and with their business degree in hand, Kismet sent those individuals assigned to the Army of Street Meat to a secretive location for an additional twelve months of schooling. In a bunker deep below the ground, somewhere surrounded by a desert, they spent the entire time perfecting their skills in the art of intelligence gathering. While there, they finally became a part of the war effort by disseminating secretive information to the Heathens.
Although Bubblegum remains in daily contact with this unit, its day-to-day operations are now in the hands of the Heathen known as Churro. A man of honor in a deceitful world, Churro is as loyal as they come. When he was an adolescent, his devotion to a group of teenage hoodlums nearly got him killed. Back then, he was part of a street gang that had connections to some local gangsters. To stay off the government's radar and to avoid any conflicts with local authorities, these career criminals used the many teens and even the small children running around the neighborhood to do their dirty work. By the age of fourteen, a majority of these kids had become adept at selling drugs and stealing all sorts of merchandise for these mobsters. Even worse, some had already executed an enemy in cold blood.
When these gangsters found out that a rival had the audacity to eat at a restaurant in their neighborhood, they sent a group of young thugs to kill him. Unfortunately, for Churro, he was part of the crowd that was involved in the botched hit. As they walked towards the eatery, and before the first shot rang out, he tried to stop his friends from going through with the murder because he noticed an unusual amount of anomalies on the street. With too many unrecognizable faces loitering about and with a host of unfamiliar cars surrounding the nearby blocks, he feared they were being set up. When his peers did not heed his warning, they were ambushed. While three of his friends died in a shootout, Churro and another accomplice were chased down the street. With nowhere to run or hide, they were beaten and dragged back to the restaurant. In the basement of the establishment, they were beaten and then tortured for information. Since both kids refused to divulge the whereabouts of the gangsters that were employing them, a gun was placed into their mouths. After witnessing his friend have his brains blown out, it was Churro's time to die. Before the trigger was squeezed, a loud commotion was heard coming from upstairs. Moments later, and after a lengthy conversation, the young man was recruited by Kismet.
Due to his familiarity with New York City, its people, and his uncanny ability to sniff out trouble, Kismet felt that Churro was the right candidate to lead the Army of Street Meat. No longer in the best of shape, this thirty-year-old, fast-talking hustler needs to put down the sweet treats and deep-fried snacks that he loves so much because his waistline is starting to expand.
To hide the existence of the Army of Street Meat, and with the help of his accountant, Arthur Naggy, Kismet opened a legitimate business in Manhattan. Under the guise of the Wok You Corporation, this limited liability enterprise acts as a front for the Army of Street Meat and is a means for them to gather intelligence. Since this company is run by a group of psychopathic killers, it is quite impressive that they maintain a stellar reputation on food review websites. Even more remarkable, its places of business are a popular destination and are frequently visited by many of the citizens inhabiting the five boroughs of New York City. To keep up with the demand, the Army of Street Meat currently employs over four thousand people who work at the vast array of food vending trucks and food carts spread throughout the city. An additional two thousand employees belong to the subsidiary company known as Go Wok Yourself, which is the five-star delivery service underneath the corporate umbrella of the Wok You Corporation.
Since everyone needs to eat, including their enemies, the Wok You Corporation grants the Army of Street Meat easy access to places they normally could not enter. With the help of their secret weapon, Bloody Mary, they can smuggle weapons, bombs, or spying devices into any building or facility they desire.
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At the present time, the Army of Street Meat is at war with Kung Chee Tong, an older Chinese gangster, who believes the streets belong to him now that other crime families have suddenly vanished.
Name: Bloody Mary (Formally known as Mary Worth)
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Race: Human (Magically Enhanced)
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Gender: Female
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Height: 5’ 4"
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Weight: 250 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Brown
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 4
Strength: 4
Speed: 4
Durability: 4
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
Due to her time spent in the mirror dimension and as an unintended side effect of the spell that cast her there, Bloody Mary now possesses enhanced strength, speed, agility, reflexes, and endurance. In addition, the immense gravity in the mirror dimension has made her bones, muscles, ligaments, and cartilage extremely dense. Thanks to the incantation, Bloody Mary can also heal almost any wound or broken bone in a matter of seconds.
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Special Abilities:
Bloody Mary can travel through mirrors.
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Special Weaponry:
Bloody Mary carries two adamant hunting knives that Kismet had given her.
Biography:
Mary Worth was born in a small peasant town outside of Salam, Massachusetts during the late 1500s. As a child, she was told by her father to never stray too far from their home because the surrounding woods were filled with evil demons that would devour her mortal flesh. Over the years, she grew to believe the stories because many of her neighbors and even some friends had gone missing. Those lucky and crafty enough to scrounge up enough funds to flee the poor town did without haste and they swore never to return.
To make matters worse for those who could not raise the proper funds to leave the village, a newly constructed castle off in the distance and up in the mountains seemed to cast a dark shadow over the town. A majority of the villagers and especially the elders felt this structure was a very bad omen. Ever since its erection, the days seemed darker, the nights appeared longer, and even the warmest summer breeze now possessed an ungodly frigid chill.
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What the townsfolk did not know was that the castle was actually the new home of the fallen angel Satanael and his consort Lilith. In fact, all of the missing people were actually abducted by the malcontents working for this evil duo and were condemned to a life of slavery. In need of additional workers to help with the cooking, cleaning, and ground maintenance around the palatial palace, Lilith once again sent her minions to the town, but this time, they were to collect only healthy young people.
At the turn of the century, and on her sixteenth birthday, the thirteenth of June, 1600, the town was raided at noon. Those who fought back against the evil forces while trying to protect their families met an excruciating death. For Mary Worth, she watched her mother, father, and two uncles perish while she was forcibly taken from them. Thrust into a life of servitude, she was placed amongst the grounds crew who tended to the fruits and vegetables garden.
During her time as a slave, Mary Worth secretly smuggled food to the survivors of her devastated village. Eventually, she and a small band of accomplices were caught in the act. To make an example out of them and to serve as a warning to the other slaves, Lilith concocted a suitable punishment. In an empty field and for all to see, she forced Mary Worth, her accomplices, and anyone remaining from the town to fight like gladiators for survival. To the victor, a continued life was promised.
With a crude and small colosseum hastily built by his freemasons, the fallen angel Satanael and his consort Lilith ushered in the "Games of 1604." Over the span of three months and to their utter joy, they watched the peasants descend into madness while fighting and killing one another in bloody combat. With 650 kills to her name, Mary Worth was the last one standing. At the closing ceremony, and for the brutal showing, Lilith renamed this feisty peasant woman "Bloody Mary." As originally promised, a continued life was granted, but it was not the one Mary Worth had envisioned.
Thanks to a powerful spell, Mary Worth was banished to another dimension. Trapped on the other side of a mirror for many years, the isolation became unbearable. She slowly began to lose her mind until Kismet pulled her from the brink of madness. With the help of Lady Moody, he freed Mary Worth from her captivity. Although she has kept the name Bloody Mary as a reminder of her ordeal, and even if she has sworn her loyalty to Kismet, in secret, this feisty warrior plans to enact her vengeance on Lilith.
Today, Bloody Mary is a main cog in Kismet's intelligence-gathering network. Due to her ability to travel through, or to hide in mirrors, she is his greatest spy. Along with Fizzy, she is also one of his top assassins. During the war amongst the fallen angels, she spent much of her time jumping through mirrors and killing the high-priority supernatural targets that Kismet wanted dead.
Name: Steaks
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Race: Human
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Gender: Male
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Height: 5’ 6"
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Weight: 145 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Black
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Besides his expertise in intelligence gathering, Steaks has a mind for numbers and is a skilled gambler. He also has an exceptional memory and is mostly known for his remarkable capability of regurgitating useless facts.
Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
The Heathen known as Steaks bounced around from one foster family to another when he was a child. Surrounded by drugs alcohol, and violence, he was often beaten and mistreated by those who were supposed to act as his protectors. In no mood to go through the broken system once again, Steaks was smart enough to remain silent when his foster parents overdosed on heroin. Since the only meals he received during the week were the breakfast and lunch his elementary school would provide, he learned to fend for himself at an early age so that he would not starve over the weekends.
While other kids were having fun on the playground, Steaks was learning how to gamble by observing the old men in the park. A quick learner and naturally gifted when it comes to numbers, he quickly tried his luck at the various card games they were playing. In a matter of hours, he began to earn enough money to feed himself on Saturdays and Sundays. His substantial winnings got the attention of three shady degenerates who wanted to exploit the boy's talents. Through bullying tactics, these men forced him to work for them. Against his wishes, they dragged Steaks to various parks around their city and forced him to make money for them. Even though they gave the boy a pittance of the winnings at first, so he could go buy a hamburger or some French fries, they eventually cut him out of all of the funds he would earn. To get his revenge, Steaks intentionally began to lose. Over the following weeks, he incurred enough of a debt that the three degenerates could no longer show their faces around any park without fear of being harmed. Furious that a child had screwed them over, they abducted him on his way home from school one day. After a long drive to the country in a stolen car, and inside a decrepit barn, the three degenerates planned to sexually abuse the boy prior to setting him and the automobile on fire. That was until Kismet stumbled into the barn to ruin their plans.
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Within the Army of Street Meat, Steaks performs a few major roles. Firstly, as the man responsible for the money, it is his job to collect any payments the legitimate business earns or is owed. He also pays off their informants. In addition to those tasks, any sought-after information or secrets the Army of Street Meat collects is committed to his memory. Steaks will then travel by bicycle to an undisclosed location. Once there, an encrypted file is created and sent to Bubblegum.
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Due to his small stature and ability to blend into any crowd, Steaks has been spending plenty of time in China Town. On Churro's orders, he is to familiarize himself with the neighborhood and the business operations of Kung Chee Tong.
Name: Toast (Also known as Frenchy)
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Race: Human
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Gender: Male
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Height: 5’ 11"
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Weight: 190 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Black
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Along with his expertise in intelligence gathering, Toast is one of the most proficient mortal combatants in the ranks of the Heathens. He is an exceptional soldier and excels at all facets of warfare. In addition, he makes an excellent spy and can fluently speak a handful of languages.
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Special Weaponry:
Toast carries an assortment of guns and is a master swordsman.
Biography:
When the Army of Street Meat runs into a problem, they turn to their chief enforcer to rectify the situation. Luckily, for them, Toast relishes any job that allows him the opportunity to annihilate the opposition. Not only is he considered one of the best hand-to-hand combatants amongst the Heathens, but he is also one of their best soldiers, even surpassing Bittersweet in skill.
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When he was a teenager, Toast was an exceptional student and often took advanced placement classes. While his younger sister tried her hand at every sport their high school had to offer, he shunned athletics because he was more interested in reading comic books and listening to rock, punk, or alternative music. On the cusp of spring break, their parents decided that it would be fun to take a cross-country road trip to Niagara Falls. Before they even got out of Arizona, and as they traveled along the highway, the family was caught in a shootout between two feuding drug cartels. Not only was the station wagon the family was traveling in ripped apart in a hail of bullets, but it also veered off the road and crashed into a tree. Barely conscious and slightly concussed, Toast managed to crawl from the wreckage before the automobile exploded. While he lay on the side of the road crying, he begged the universe for the power to kill those criminals who had caused the death of his family. Rather than a bolt of lightning from the sky hitting him in the chest to imbue him with the strength needed to garner his revenge, the next best thing happened. Not even a moment later, a broken-down Toyota Corolla with nearly half a million miles on the odometer stopped a few feet away from him, and Kismet stepped from the car. Although he could not transform the teen into a hulking monstrosity with superhuman powers, he could offer the boy some assistance along with a chance at retribution.
Thus far during their war with Kung Chee Tong, Toast has assassinated over 150 goons that the Chinese mobster had sent to muscle in on the territory belonging to the Army of Street Meat. To rid himself of this efficient killing machine, Kung Chee Tong hired Remus and Remez Verrazano to hunt him down. If not for Bloody Mary, the supernatural brothers would have succeeded in their mission.
Whenever he returns to the farmhouse, Sugar-Plum will always make him his favorite meal, a fresh batch of buttery French toast slathered with cream cheese and drowning in a pool of real maple syrup.
Name: Ballpark
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Race: Human
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Gender: Male
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Height: 5’ 10"
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Weight: 200 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Brown
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Intelligence gathering.
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Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
When he was a child, Ballpark was abandoned by his neglectful parents, who did not want the responsibilities of parenthood, so they left him to die in the wilderness. Unlike the others that Kismet had actively sought out and recruited, Ballpark stumbled upon the farmhouse by accident. This was a peculiar incident because, at the time, the farmhouse was protected by a magic spell that would cause any strangers a severe bout of deliriousness and forgetfulness if they got within five miles of the property. In addition, the spell would also force these outsiders to automatically turn away. Since Ballpark somehow managed to bypass these security measures, Kismet took his presence as an omen to update their defenses. After using his resources to track down Ballpark's parents and finding out that a hungry bear mauled them soon after his abandonment, Kismet offered the child a new life at the farmhouse.
As it pertains to his role within the Army of Street Meat, Ballpark is a main cog in the upper management of the Wok You Corporation. When not doing his job as a Heathens intelligent officer, or eliminating an enemy Kismet wants dead, he has the responsibility of supervising his own team of workers. The vendors that he is in charge of are located around baseball stadiums, basketball arenas, and tourist hotspots found throughout Manhattan and Long Island.
Name: Mint
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Race: Human
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Gender: Female
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Height: 5’ 6"
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Weight: 115 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Brown
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Intelligence gathering.
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Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
Under the impression that the teenage heartthrob she met in a popular coffee shop on Main Street in the middle of her town came from a decent upbringing, Mint was blindsided when he learned the truth about her paramour after a brief period of dating. Constantly abused, both mentally and physically, over the two months that they were together, Mint tried to end the relationship on multiple occasions. Unfortunately, the mentally deranged teen had become obsessed with her. Not only did he act as if she was his possession, but he also refused to let her go and even tried to keep her away from her family on multiple occasions. To ensure that Mint would be his forever, and on the advice of his mentor, the boy decided to kill her parents.
A couple of nights later, the teen heartthrob and a bunch of his friends broke into her home. They pulled Mint from her bed and forced her to watch as they proceeded to beat her father to death with baseball bats and brutally assaulted her mother before murdering her in cold blood. The teenage psychopaths then dragged Mint from her home. Against her will, they tossed her into a car. They then drove to a popular lake outside of town where everyone would go swimming during the summer months. With a fistful of hair, the teens forced a helpless Mint from the automobile and her to a makeshift altar where the sadistic mentor of the boys was waiting. In an attempt to portray himself as a godlike figure, this deranged individual offered a terrified Mint a simple choice. She could either marry her murderous boyfriend right then and there, and promise on her soul to bless him with many children in the future, or they could simply sacrifice her to their malevolent lord. When Mint refused the offer of matrimony, she was beaten, kicked, and stomped on. Her boyfriend then attempted to drown her in the lake. If not for the arrival of Kismet, who had claimed to be in search of that exact body of water because it contained a very specific fish that he was looking for, Mint would have perished.
When it comes to her role in the Army of Street Meat, Mint is another important piece of the upper management division within the Wok You Corporation. Those busy workers under her supervision are responsible for overseeing the ethnic vendors operating in Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens, and Staten Island.
In remembrance of her dad, who was a tremendously huge fan of both, boxing and professional wrestling, Mint used to enjoy those Saturday mornings in the backyard of the farmhouse watching Fizzy and the imps tussle for hours on end. Throughout her tenure in the Heathens, and to honor the memory of her father, Mint developed a mean right cross. The pugilistic skills she acquired go along well with the hot-tempered attitude she acquired ever since Kismet made her a part of his family. No longer a passive victim who cannot defend herself, she now looks forward to getting involved in any fracas that she can. In addition, Mint has garnered a reputation for solving any disagreements with her fists rather than her mouth. With escalations rising between the Army of Street Meat and the Tong Dynasty, she has gotten into multiple scuffles with the Tong soldiers trying to shake down her non-English speaking employees.
Name: Noodles
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Race: Human
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Gender: Female
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Height: 5’ 7"
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Weight: 105 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Black
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
Besides her skills in intelligence gathering, Noodles excels at mathematics. She is also an exceptional combatant.
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Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
The Heathen known as Noodles was recruited by Kismet when she was a child and she came to live at the farmhouse after the business her father had started mysteriously burned down. Unfortunately, the shady business dealings he was involved in as a necessity to fund the company eventually destroyed her family. If not for Kismet's intervention, the criminals responsible for her parent's murder would have killed Noodles as well.
The trouble for Noodles and her family began when her father, an engineer by trade, invented an internal combustion engine that ran on salt water. To garner the funding needed to see his dream of an emission-free engine come to fruition, he borrowed a large sum of money from an unscrupulous loan shark. Unfortunately, the business venture was sabotaged and his factory burned to the ground just before he was to sign a substantial developmental agreement with an enormous American automotive company. The man who undermined this undertaking and destroyed Noodle's family was a shrewd Chinese petroleum magnate. To keep his expansive stock portfolio from crashing and to make sure his $200,000,000 investment in lithium and cobalt, the two elements needed for the batteries used in electric vehicles would not be in danger; this despicable tycoon had a habit of eliminating any threat to his financial empire.
In financial ruin, Noodle's father could no longer pay whatever money he still owed to the loan shark. Due to the excessive interest rates attached to the loan, the amount of debt quadrupled within a matter of months. Beset with verbal threats from the loan shark that eventually became physical altercations, Noodles, along with her two older brothers, mother, and badly beaten father were forced to flee their home. However, the loan shark and his violent goons eventually caught up with Noodles and her family as they hid in a dilapidated motel on the side of a rural highway.
Within the confines of the filthy, smelly, and bug-infested room, Noodles watched as the loan shark killed her father and brothers. To recoup the rest of the money he was owed, the detestable individual planned to make prostitutes out of the two survivors. As they were being dragged out of the motel, Noodles managed to escape when her mother bit off the loan shark's ear. In retaliation for the assault, the woman was quickly shot and killed in the empty parking lot.
Unable to outrun the pack of grown men that were chasing after her, Noodles was eventually caught. When she was brought back to the motel, the loan shark found Kismet sitting on the hood of his car. A violent altercation followed and with the men incapacitated, Noodles was given a choice. Rather than walk away with her soul intact, the young girl decided to enact her revenge by executing the men who had killed her family. Shen then went with Kismet to start her new life at the farmhouse.
Today, Noodles is an instrumental part of the secret band of Heathens known as the Army of Street Meat. Not only does she perform the executive duties associated with operating the very successful food services business Kismet has created called the Wok You Corporation, but due to her detail-oriented personality, she also has the added responsibility of overseeing the large and hectic delivery services company that is under the Wok You corporate umbrella. Much like the Woke You Corporation, this smaller limited liability business, known throughout the city as the Go Wok Yourself Company, also employs thousands of people. With a head for numbers and a strict work ethic, Noodles manages to keep the operation running smoothly.
In addition, Noodles is also an outstanding fighter. She will often accompany Toast whenever he is in need of reinforcements.
Name: Tso
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Race: Human
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Gender: Male
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Height: 5’ 8"
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Weight: 165 lbs
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Eyes: Brown
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Hair: Black
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Attributes:
Intelligence: 3
Strength: 2
Speed: 2
Durability: 2
Fighting Ability: 4
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Special Powers:
None.
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Special Abilities:
In addition to intelligence gathering, Tso is very proficient in mathematics. He is also a talented martial artist.
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Special Weaponry:
None.
Biography:
​As a child growing up in San Francisco, Tso idolized the legendary martial artist, Bruce Lee. He even made his parents pay for Jeet Kune Do lessons since it was the hybrid fighting style that his hero had created. The tutelage he received paid dividends during his teenage years because Tso often got into many street fights with neighboring kids who wanted to test their mettle against him. Even though he tried to avoid any confrontation just as his sensei had taught, it was not always possible.
His troubles really began when the son of a feared mobster decided to bully him. After a few months of abuse, Tso had enough and beat the crap out of the punk kid. In retaliation for the assault, Tso and his family started to receive death threats. Soon after, their car was blown up by a bomb and their home mysteriously burned to the ground. Not yet satisfied with the suffering he had put these people through, the despicable mobster planned his final act of vengeance. Once he found out what motel Tso and his family were staying at, and while the boy was at school, the mobster killed both of his parents. He then cut them into many pieces and tossed the remains throughout the room. Distraught when he found the bodies, Tso had no time to grieve or to go to the police for help because the gangster had returned with a group of thugs to finish the job. With no other options available to him, Tso quickly fled the scene. Unfortunately, the career criminals chased him through town. After several hours of running, the boy sought refuge in an abandoned church. Eventually cornered and with no place to run, he was about to be beaten and killed. When all had seemed lost, Kismet intervened on his behalf.
When it comes to his position within the Wok You Corporation, Tso works directly under Noodles. Together, the duo operates behind the scenes to keep the business running smoothly.
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As for his role within the Heathens and the Army of Street Meat, Tso can often be found accompanying Toast and Noodles into dicey situations because he is cool under pressure and is an excellent hand-to-hand combatant.